Freaking Out

Today was my LAST day at my Kaplan review course for my board exam. We had a nice little potluck to end the class. Apparently were the first class that ever did this. But our teacher was super chill and real cool about it.

But the fact that 3 weeks has already gone by and my test date is nearing. Sorry but I am not going to reveal the test date since Im already fucking freaking out and I have a __ number of days left to study. As you can see its almost 6 a.m. and other than a little break on the phone I have been cramming. My scores on my practice tests have been steadily increasing which is giving whatever is left of my confidence a little boost but with so much material to take in I still run into shit that I have no fucking idea about which just brings me back down. I have never felt so stupid in my life. What kind of tests gets you excited to score a >60% on?!!

And tonight I seriously felt like I was going to have a panic attack or some sort of nervous breakdown and I NEVER usually worry about tests. But I guess this is a little different since this is basically what Ive worked for the past 4.5 years in college. But shit, the amount of material I have to get into my head and few thousand practice questions I have yet to do (no you didnt read wrong, THOUSANDS of questions) just hit me tonight. I officially hate this test, this book, and anything that has to do with it.

I wake up to it. I sleep to it. I just want it to be over and done with. And wish me luck and hope I pass.

Im gonna go scream now. Later.